Breast envy

     The last time I could go out in public without my breasts hanging down so low was my eighth grade awards. I wore a very risk-ay black backless top and a long black skirt. I had been a "lucky one" that had bloomed into womanhood early. Truly I didn't understand what this meant until a few years later trying to find a bathing suit top. I was still quite thin at that time BUT finding something that fit my chesticles was a feat.
    I know that there are many woman that are thinking stop gloating, you are lucky to have big natural boobs. Please, let me explain. I am happy with my body, but if I had a choice, and it didn't cost thousands of dollars to do, I would have at these two sizes smaller of breast. I grew up in the first time of backless shirts, as noted but I really never got a chance to enjoy it and now it is bandus and see through tops and this is pretty much the last few years I can wear trendy clothes without looking a bit like that person that should move from the juniors to at least the misses section, why do we have three sections for clothing choices? Men get one, which is not always a good thing but still why do women have to have sections that tell them which clothes for which age? That is so ridiculous! Anyway, even if I was a single digit size wearing the trends would not be an option for me.

    The price of a big chest

    This is just the superficial reason I am tired of these melons there is also the back pain that I feel so often when I don't have it plaguing me it is like I am in heaven. Not to mention the laying on my back could be considered a suicide attempt, no really they come at your face and not total disregard for your well being. I would also like to mention that finding a bra that does not look like something out of a 50's sear store is soooo hard or over priced. I bought two bras the other day and spent $65. One with a smaller chest could go to kmart and buy 3 cute underwire bras for $15. Yes, it is more fabric but that is still $27 mark up!

    Let us talk the societal view. 

One I only have big boobs because I am over weight.  This is me a size 6 at my high school graduation.

True, my chest would not be as HUGE as it is now if I were that size BUT I would still be in the double letter group just a smaller number.

Two, women with large breasts are stupid or lack intelligence. NO....

Three, women with large chests can use their boobs to get whatever they want. HAHA! Well maybe, if wanted to use my boobs for evil I could BUT that stems from the fact that we are only acknowledged by our chest by many men, and some women. This myth honestly also leads to the forth point I have that we are normal woman and not bitches based on our chests. Boobs do not make a personality how one is raised and taught does.

    My sister with smaller chest rejoice that you save money and avoid douche waffles much more than the big chested girl and also remember we want to be your friend and do not judge us by the big lumps of fat on our chest but by our personality. Now if that is bad I don't blame you if you don't want to be that rude person's friend.


Have a good one all.

Damn being a fatty

     I have not been in single digit sized clothing since my early teens but have tried off and on to be that thin girl I wanted to look like. Yes, almost all my tries were half-assed thanks for pointing that out dick but as I am moving towards what I consider adulthood, the 20's are for playing and the 30's are to be adult well an adult at times if need be and no other adult is in the room to supervisor, I know that my body is going to be less and less forgiving and if I do get to a healthy weight and to my goal size my next endeavor will be to get to my financial goal for the surgery I am going to need for my slagging boobs and extra skinned tummy.
     Yes, starting a new diet is hard but for me that has always been pretty easy. I mean I could start four diets or health regimes in one day and plan the whole thing down to the calorie but that damn bitch follow through is always walking away when I need her ass to back me you. She came through once but backed out only 2 pant sizes away for my dream size.
    I am now back on the wagon and watching shows that make me want to look good for my wedding, don't judge my say yes to the dress asshole. While doing so I am doing 200 squats or chugging 100 oz of water, half what I believe my weight to be and this is not a new adventure I got out gluten a few months ago, my fiance is help for this because the weird mood swings and horrible panic attacks are all but gone until I eat a piece of pizza, damn weakness, still I am not see the results like the last time. The kicker is the diet I know but I was living, used so loosely, on 1200 kcal a day and only awake to do my squats while cooking for dinner or at work. It was a killer.
   I will soldier for now as this fat chick but by God, even if I am not a fan of his, I will get to my goal weight and size, and yes I know sizes differ and that size does not tell fitness level and such, before my dream wedding. 

BALLS! A rant about today

I am so very tired right now. I love the summer coming BUT the season change and the heat creeping in always kills my energy levels. It really sucks more because I am suppose to be working out and calorie counting. After waking up at noon, barely walking the dog and eating pizza and potato tacos I really have failed my dieting plans. I guess that just means tomorrow 100 extra squats.

A long time back I lost a lot of weight quickly and I just wish I had that drive now. I do want to be healthy and not have to worry about feel like death at night and god damn it I want a flat stomach and not more muffin freaking top. I know I have to do it and there is no magic pill but fucking a my body is working against me and all I want is the little help from it to get going. I know I am not making much sense to the sane and thin but if you get me thank you for understanding the struggle is real.

I am now off the play more minecraft, yes I am also 30 and play mine craft and have built a palace based on Henry VIII's Hampton Court. No need to be jealous people, so a joking.
Night y'all have a good one